


'There are none so blind...'

by liars_dance



Category: Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: M/M, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-30
Updated: 2011-06-30
Packaged: 2017-10-20 21:06:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/217094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liars_dance/pseuds/liars_dance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Follows <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/216906">Thinking of Boromir </a>. Faramir longs for his brother despite his love for his king.</p>
            </blockquote>





	'There are none so blind...'

Faramir had always known that he was second best to Boromir in Denethor's eyes. He had grown accustomed to it over the years - he'd spent time with Gandalf, learning and reading, he'd developed strategies to deal with disappointment and he'd found a hundred and more ways not to let Denethor see him cry. And no matter how obvious the Steward's partiality, it did not diminish Faramir's love for him or his desire to please him; nor did it change his feelings for his older brother. Boromir - tall and handsome Captain of the armies of Gondor, a brave and honourable warrior, his hero, his brother - and finally - his lover. Faramir suspected their father knew all along about how they felt for each other. Perhaps their enduring love in the face of all adversity was both cause and effect of Denethor's emotional torment and abuse.

Faramir and Boromir had always been close. The months - no, the years of mutual want and need were long denied, buried - either pushed aside by the long and enforced separations of battle or sublimated into heroic though often foolhardy stunts and challenges. But they had both known that what they wanted was that which they shouldn't have.

On the eve of Mordor's first attack on Osgiliath, Faramir dreamed of thunder and that the eastern sky had grown dark. He heard a voice crying in the pale light that remained in the west. The voice told him to seek in the elven kingdom of Imladris for the sword that was broken, that doom was upon them and that Isildur's Bane had awoken. Boromir later dreamed the same dream - a dream that was to lead him on their father's bidding to leave Minas Tirith for Rivendell in pursuit of the Ring. The night before Boromir left, their collective guilt and fears about their feelings for each other were overcome, leaving only their want and their love. And nothing could have stopped them that night.

Faramir remembered every moment of that one night of discovery and undeniable passion. How Boromir's eyes had reflected his love, how Boromir had cried as they'd kissed, how the first taste of Boromir's skin was nearly his undoing and how he had fallen asleep to dream of many more nights in his brother's arms.

But Boromir never came back and hell replaced his childhood home. Osgiliath fell. Minas Tirith came under attack by the forces of Mordor and was nearly lost. Boromir never came back and Denethor's grief consumed him. Boromir never came back but in his place came the rightful king of Gondor - in time to rescue Faramir from the shadow of the Black Breath but not before reason and the will to live had finally deserted his father. Boromir never came back and Faramir's loss had festered like a sore.

"Faramir - where are you? Where have you gone?"

Aragorn's familiar voice filtered through Faramir's thoughts, returning him to the present. He looks into Aragorn's midnight blue eyes that were full of love, and sighs sadly. He wanted to love his king - he _did_ love him - but the memory of Boromir was still too fresh, still too painful.

"I cannot do this, Aragorn," Faramir whispers. "I cannot pretend any longer. When I am in your company, I can think only of him - that one night he was mine. Not the future Steward, not my father's precious jewel, not the finest captain Gondor has ever known, but mine and mine alone. When you and I make love, it is only him that I see." Faramir's voice drops even lower and he turns away." When I feel you inside me, I want it to be him."

Aragorn's smile fades. "It is all right, Faramir," he whispers. "I understand; perhaps in time, you-"

But Faramir interrupts him. "No - no, my lord - it is not all right and I am not sure it ever will be." Faramir's voice becomes softer. "And forgive me, but you do not understand. I blame you for Boromir's death - although I know in my heart that you would never have let my brother die had it been in your power to heal him. But those thoughts still preoccupy me. They haunt me. I have not been honest with you. I look at you and I want to see him in your place. I look at you and I can _only_ see him. I hate that it was you he saw as his life ebbed away, not me. My father sent him away on an impossible errand, away from me and by accident, to you; and you were not able to save him... "

Aragorn grasps Faramir's shoulders. "Do you not think that I ask myself if I could have done more? I loved him, Faramir! But he left me; he did not trust me enough. Even if I had heard the Horn of Gondor sooner I do not think I could have saved Boromir from his fate. I am sorry, Faramir, but in your heart you know this. There was nothing I could do but hold him, comfort him - his wounds were beyond my help."

Tears of grief and pain and anger that had so far been denied welled up inside Faramir, suddenly demanding release.

"I know. But I grieve for Boromir - I long for him - I do not believe I can forgive either you or my father for the loss of my brother. But my father is dead so I can no longer blame him - only you. And now he is dead, what do I have left?"

"You have the lady Eowyn - and you have me... but no," Aragorn pauses. "Only last night I asked if you wished it were Boromir here in my place and you said no. It is clear to me now that you do not want _me_ , Faramir, despite my desire that you would. You do not love me, as I had so hoped you would. I look at you, Faramir, and I see a young man in mourning for an ideal, not the man that was Boromir; the strong and thoughtful but imperfect man who died with honour in my arms. And it seems I cannot fight that ideal, that cherished memory, however much I would wish it otherwise," Aragorn whispers, his voice rough - almost broken.

Faramir looks up to see the familiar dancing light go out of Aragorn's dark blue eyes. And in that moment, he knew not only that he had lost his king, but also that he had never loved him more. For in that moment he understood Aragorn's torment - the price he too had paid for the saving of Gondor. And he heard the truth in the king's words. _I have been blind - selfish - and a fool,_ Faramir thinks. It as if a veil had been suddenly lifted from his vision and he could see the suffering etched in Aragorn's face - suffering only increased by his own cruel and thoughtless words. The need to claw back those words, to pledge his love and to ease Aragorn's pain was suddenly overwhelming, and he drops to his knees at Aragorn's feet.

"My lord," Faramir whispers. "Aragorn - please… I did not mean that. I - "

But Aragorn just shakes his head and smiles sadly. He places a hand on Faramir's cheek for a short moment before turning and leaving the room.

Faramir's tears finally spill over, his head buried in his hands. _Remember this day little brother,_ Boromir had said - and Faramir had remembered it. But that was the problem - he'd remembered it _too_ well. Unwittingly, Boromir had ensured that the memory of that one day would remain with Faramir forever.


End file.
